Dealing with Shyness
I’ve always been a shy person. It took years for me to get myself out there, and it usually involved going out for drinks to break my shyness. That got old fast and I got to the point where I would go and meet new people without the alcohol. But, now that we’ve moved, I find that I’m, once again, dealing with shyness.
Starting Over
We recently moved back to my birthplace. I haven’t lived here in over 20 years so it feels like moving to a new place. My daughter made friends almost immediately. I didn’t. However, she’s in school and gymnastics. I decided I needed to join a group so that I could interact with other adults. I signed up with a group that taught Spanish, then canceled. Too many negative thoughts were swirling in my mind.
“What if they are more advanced that I am?”
“What if I’m just sitting there alone?”
“What if they all know each well and I’m just the outsider?”
I recognized this for the irrational fear that it was. At church the following two Sundays, the pastors spoke about Fear. God was definitely calling me on it.
Second Attempt
I decided to try again, but with a different venue. I told myself that trying to learn a new language was not the best way to meet new people. I signed up for a Bible study. I was raring to go, then I canceled…again! The ridiculous thoughts were:
“What if they are more advanced that I am?”
“What if I’m just sitting there alone?”
“What if they all know each well and I’m just the outsider?”
“The leader of the group is a man. At my old Bible study, it was a woman. I’d prefer a woman.”
That last one was actually the strongest of them all. I’m not sure why it mattered that group leader was a man. But I let that bother me to the point of staying home.
I felt like such a failure. Before we moved, I’d gotten to the point where I was going where the Spirit led me. Now, I feel like I’m back at square one. I was ashamed.
I didn’t want to write this post because of the shame. I felt like I let God down and everyone who reads my blog. But, when I asked God why he wasn’t leading me to write a post, He replied that He already had. I was to write about this!
Realization
When doing some research, I found an interesting statement on GotQuestions.org.
Oddly enough, shyness can actually be a form of pride. Fear of what people will think about us and being overly concerned for the opinions of men can be reflection of obsession with self.
https://gotquestions.org/shyness.html
Ouch!
I emphatically disagreed. Then, I read it over and over. It finally started to make sense. I was being overly concerned about the opinions of others. I kept wondering how they would respond to me, or if they would respond to me at all. I was worried about the leader of the Bible study being a man, but not just because he was a man, but he was the pastor of the Church. I don’t feel I know enough to be in his class.
The fears all revolved around people’s impression of me. I guess there is a hint of truth to that statement after all.
A Trap
The fear of man lays a snare,
but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.
Proverbs 29:25
A snare is a trap. The fear of man truly does trap you. When I moved here, I had a goal of eventually leading or assisting in a Bible study. However, after being here for almost two months, I feel confined to my house or my family’s house. I feel trapped.
I will continue to feel trapped unless I trust in the Lord. I trusted Him when He told me to cover my hair, which I did for half a year. I trusted Him when He told me to quit a high paying job and work at a non-profit. I did and love it! I trusted Him when He told me it was time to move. I’m so glad we did!
Now, it’s time to trust Him again. No more fear!
Placing this into perspective has helped me to see what is really going on. I’ve been dealing with shyness for most of my life. I thought I’d won the battle, but satan’s war is still going on. But, I will continue to trust in God. I am filled with the Holy Spirit so satan’s already lost.
When you are dealing with shyness, or whatever fear that is holding you back, remember that it’s satan’s trap. He won’t win because you have God on your side. Whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.
Prayer for Today
Dear Father, I thank you for opening my eyes to what this fear really is. I pray that your Spirit continues to move me to new experiences and growth. I pray that anyone reading this will trust in You and let Your Spirit guide them. In Jesus’ name, Amen.