Working For God’s Love
There is a big gap in my posts. I’d burned myself out physically and emotionally. I was trying so hard to keep this blog active daily that I was missing the entire point of why I started this in the first place. I was working for God’s love instead of in God’s love.
The past year of my life was filled with stress. Lots of ups and downs. It all started when I put my trust in God and left a really good paying position for a much lower paying one, but one that God wanted me to have. Moving along the path God put me on meant that evil was going to attack. And attack it did!
But, it wasn’t just me that was attacked. My daughter also had the strangest year and I spent the last year feeling incredibly guilty for it. I even considered going back to my old field, but God had shut those doors. It took me awhile to figure that out. I’d never had problems in that field before and was confused and angry about it, initially.
I started the blog in the midst of it all. My goal was to spread God’s message while getting a deeper understanding of His Word. But, it turned into something more of ‘if I post x number of times this week, God will be happy’. That is not a good place to be. It leads to more stress. Adding to that was the feeling that the blog is a failure because I can’t capture a good sized audience compared to some other Christian blogs.
Add to that, my daughter had more physical injuries this past year than she’s had in her whole life. She is emotionally drained and I feel responsible for both.
To top it all off, I feel called to move. Not to the mission field, although I still feel that will happen down the line, but back to my hometown. A place I left 22 years ago and thought I was done with. So, I worked all day, tried to care for my daughter, and worked on decluttering and cleaning a house and has 14 years worth of junk in it.
All of this led to me pretty much shutting down. I would start a post and stop right in the middle of it. I asked God to give me something to talk about, but I heard nothing. Then, I stopped asking.
Getting God’s Message
But, I got a message from Him. I was listening to Dr. Charles Stanley and heard him speak about people doing things to try and earn God’s love. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I was listening to it at work with my headphones on. It was probably the second sermon I listened to that morning. Honestly, I’m not sure how much I get out of that because I’m focusing more on work and not paying attention. But I heard that one loud and clear.
I realized that a lot of my goals were out of whack. After I made that first step, I tried to do things so that God would continue to love me. I was working for God’s love. But that isn’t how it works. God ALREADY loves me! He ALREADY loves us all. Whether I post seven days a week or once a week isn’t going to change how He feels about me. I should to do this blog out of my love for Him. Not to earn brownie points or compete with another blog. If I have 5000 page views, great. If I have 50,000 even better. But if I have just 1, and that 1 is hearing the message of God, then I’m perfectly fine with that as well.
Thank you for reading and sticking with me.
Our Father, I thank You for opening my heart and my eyes to see Your purpose for me. I ask that You open the hearts and minds of others so that they see Your love and know you. Amen.
Have a blessed day!