My Spiritual Battle
I haven’t posted for a while because I’ve been going through a spiritual battle. In the past, when I felt oppressed by evil, I tended to take my focus inward. I stayed to myself and I wasted time by watching videos with no substance just to stop the internal noise. But not this time. I started to do this, but I heard from the Holy Spirit loud and clear.
“Will you trust me?”
I spend so much time talking about trusting God and having faith, but I realized that I wasn’t living it myself. My financial struggles worried me to the point where I pulled out a patch of hair. I let confusion and doubt send me into a tailspin of self-doubt and questioning my actions.
“Yes,” I answered.
It was long past time to actually do what I encourage others to do. However, it wasn’t easy.
I Had to Trust Him
I dove into the Word with fresh eyes. Every time something knocked me back, I gave glory to God because I knew He could help me stand up. Every time! I would sometimes complain at first, but I’m blessed to have a wonderful daughter who keeps me accountable. I would repent of that complaining and glorify God. It got to the point where I just glorified Him first because He is a good God.
3 But the Lord is faithful. He will establish you and guard you against the evil one.
2 Thessalonians 3:3 (ESV)
And then it hit me. I was sitting and thinking over the past few months and I realized that, when something unexpected occurred, my first instinct was not to complain about it or sulk. It was to wait and see how God wanted me to handle it. I’m not perfect and I still stumble, but the stumbling is minimal now.
I ensure that I listen to God’s Word every day. Even if it’s just for a few minutes. A few minutes of nourishment is better than no nourishment at all.
He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.
Psalm 91:1 (ESV)
My Faith Is Growing
I am not perfect, Jesus is the only perfect person to walk this earth. However, my trust in the Father is growing by leaps and bounds because I am focused on studying His Word. There is life in those words because God is life. There is love in those words because God is love!
If you are going through your own spiritual battle, don’t go through it alone. If you are ever tempted to back way and internalize your emotions, find a quiet spot and take your Bible. I have physical Bibles, but I also have an app on my phone. Take it and ask God to lead you where you need to go. Ask God to speak to you and just listen. Ask Him to hold you and be prepared to feel His immense love for you.